Beware of Glitches
by Ninuri
Summary: The classic enemy-control glitch of Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones, gone horribly, horribly wrong.


Beware of Glitches

_Finally, you are mine! Mwahaha!_

Artur was enjoying his battle in the hills near Serafew, it seemed so much like a game to him. Each one of the beasts was hideous and evil, and they aura seemed to tell him "I stole your favorite tome. Kill me and steal my belongings."

Of course, Artur would have been perfectly content to enjoy the peace and quiet of the city of Serafew if not for the pesky monsters who stole his tome. That tome was precious to him, a parting gift from Lute when she left with Kyle. It was named Firnifshir and was an ingenious invention, being able to attack even the strongest of monsters and absorbing their hitpoints.

But of course the king of the monsters needed to find out about it and take it away. _Pow!_ Artur had killed his hundredth monster of the day, and he was about to give up and go home when something shiny in the monsters dead body caught his attention.

The young bishop walked back towards it and reached, but it was though his arm was not long enough. The object was simply not attainable. And now Artur was annoyed. He was going to collect the treasure.

Moving towards his home, Artur kept looking back at the carcass as though he thought it would disappear along with the shiny object. That was Artur's first plan to get the treasure.

He took a light tome from his pocket and took a deep breath, stepping back to make a little space for the magic. "LIGHT!"

Rays of light darted out in every direction, enveloping the forest clearing in white. As it faded away Artur expected that lovely trophy to add to his collection would be ready for him to claim. But no, parts of the monster carcass had melted away with the purification but still, the torso remained intact with the treasure tucked inside it.

Giving a little "humph," Artur walked back to his house, looking back occasionally to see if the body had vanished. It had not.

Inside the safety of his own comfortable cottage, Artur scrambled to the bookshelf and took two books titled _Dark Magic for Dummies_ and _Mystical Items at Reasonable Prices_. Actually he had never even skimmed through the pages of either book, but they were birthday presents from Joshua, and who was Artur to turn down a book? Especially when he had believed that Lute would be returning home with him.

Artur took a seat on a wooden chair next to a large wall mirror and started reading _Mystical Items at Reasonable Prices_. He discovered that the book was similar to a legendary secret shop, with a spell on the back cover of the book that could be recited to summon a clerk. The spell looked somewhat familiar, and girly. "Clerk, Clerk, Do Some Work…"

Then he waited. And waited… In fact, Artur was about to doze off when a small puff of pink smoke filled the room. Artur always had allergies, but the pink smoke was exceptionally hard to breath and filled with dust. After nearly choking to death, Artur regained his composure and sat up. Much to his surprise, Anna was staring at him angrily wearing a scant red belly dress.

"Where did you get that book?!" she yelled. "I thought they were all out of print, you got me at a bad time, kid. Oh wait. Is that you, Artur?"

After a few moments of stunned silence Artur nodded vigorously, "Would you help me with a little favor?"

"Make it quick, the more time you waste the more time my boyfriend spends tied to a bed."

"Fine!" speaking very quickly, Artur frantically explains to situation.

"You cannot obtain that item."

"Pardon?"

"It is impossible for you to obtain that treasure because it does not really exist. At least it doesn't exist for us humans, anyway."

"But I saw it with my own eyes; it was right in front of me. I need it!"

Anna looked pityingly at Artur, and then away from him as though she were thinking of something important. Hesitating, she bit her bottom lip and said, "well, you could use a glitch."

"A g-glitch? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a sort of dark magic known only to the tacticians of the world, but I'm pretty sure that you could use it too. All you need to do is get a monster on the edge of a dead tree and kill it right then and there, but rather than moving on, you need to fall asleep. Not just a nap, but a deep slumber. When you wake up from the trance your senses will have heightened, and for a brief time you will be given to power to control monsters."

"… Wow."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave." And Anna poofed away!

Artur stood up, and thought for a minute. Maybe this was a terrible idea and he should just get on with his life. No.

A simple bonewalker was out for an evening stroll when he stumbled upon a sliver of goat brain, a rare and delicious delicacy. Eating it, gingerly, it spotted another morsel. He ate that too, and spied another, and another. Soon, although the bonewalker did not realize it, the bits of meat made a trail. The trail went on for quite a while, circling around trees and passing through bushes, but the monster made sure to eat every slice. Finally it arrived at the riverbank and discovered a barely-used goat corpse and leapt at the chance to digest it. Unfortunately for the dim-witted bonewalker, the trail of meat and goat carcass in the middle of the forest had in fact been a trap.

Unbeknownst to the feasting monster, Artur was hiding in a shrub just ten feet away. When was cracking the ribs of the goat, Artur sprang up, "LIGHT!"

The monster had no time to react before it was consumed in the light, and Artur quickly tugged at a rope. Immediately the branch above him snapped, falling on his head. Artur was knocked out cold.

Crickets chirped all around the forest when Artur came to. The bonewalker was long dead, but Artur felt a dark energy coursing through his veins. He stood up and brushed off his robe, walking down the path towards where _his _treasure was trapped in the torso of a monster.

As he neared the spot, though, he heard men talking. "What should we do with the girl?"

The voice was gruff, and covered in malice. Definitely bandits. Artur crouched and moved silently through the bushes towards them. Seven tough-looking men sat on logs around a campfire. Two donkeys and a horse were tied to a tree. The horse had no saddle, and one o the donkeys was laden with treasure, armor, and weapons. But the second donkey had a young girl thrown awkwardly over its back.

What made matter worse was that the young girl was Myrrh. Artur had never conversed with Myrrh, but he had respected her from the stories of her kin that Lute had retold for the campfire. He moved around the clearing and reached Myrrh's donkey. Lifting her off quietly he set her in a bush not far away.

Then he climbed a tree whose branches reached above the campfire. Eyeing the most muscular man closely, Artur closed his eyes. _Lift your ax._

No reply. _Lift your ax now._

The man did so. _Now kill your companions._

As though in a trance, the man did as he was told. Hysteria ensued as the bandits tried to calm, and then kill, their companion. When they succeeded Artur merely targeted another. Finally they were all dead.

Killing felt good, but bad at the same time.

Artur swooped out of the tree and returned to Myrrh, bringing her home and tucking her into a bed.

Then he returned to the treasure.

It was still there, pulling him in. The jewel was enticing and Artur moved in, controlling the remains of the monster. _Release the jewel._

The torso obeyed, and the jewel fell out. It was so shiny, and it looked like a Gorgon's shadow shot. Holding it his hand, it felt right. Beautiful and powerful, he lifted it to his face. Artur stroked it, the precious.

Finally the gem was in his grasp, Artur could take over the world!

Walking on the way home was weird though. Orange lights shone all over the place, more and more as he walked. Artur killed a couple monsters on the way back. But rather than disappearing forever, they turned into more orange dots. Following him. Everywhere. Getting closer. Closer. Touching his skin.

The lights were cover in static, and they doubled as he touched them. Suddenly the world got fuzzy, and Artur felt dizzy. He remembered that he was once friends with a purple haired girl, but forgot who or where she was now. Dim memories of battle plagued his head, recollections of magic and sorcery. It was all vanishing, and then all gone.

Artur fell to the ground.

When he woke up he was in the middle of a forest he had never seen before, wearing another man's muddy clothing. Arthur was frightened, he tried to scream but it came out all fuzzy. He walked into the bramble and his vision was blurry, but he saw a house. The homely little thing had a terrible thatch roof, but he knocked on the door. A purple haired girl answered the door.

Arthur remembered an old friend of his, with purple hair, living in a cottage in the forest. The girl looked shocked to see him, but happily yelled "Artur!"

Arthur stopped short. "No, my name is Arthur."

The purple haired girl looked him in the eyes, but Arthur could not pay much attention to her. He walked into the house very, very slowly. His vision was fuzzy again, and so was his voice. Reaching into the clothes he felt a stone, and lifted it. It was a beautiful green the felt circular but looked like a square. Everything looked like squares. Even his friend, who was staring at him from the front door, looked like a square.

Arthur lay down on a mat, then he closed his eyes and let the square darkness consume him as he slept. Never again did Arthur regain his proper vision, hearing, or voice. A warning to you, from Arthur's purple haired friend, beware of glitches.


End file.
